Year 1 and moving on
Welcome back to my blog peeps!
19th of Aug came and left just recently as I am aware everyone knows, but it's an important date for me. It marks the first anniversary of my first surgery of cancer removal. I am not sure what to do about that - do you celebrate it with a cake or should my family be congratulating me? I don't know. Life just whizzed past by me. I feel as if I am a spectator of my own life not the owner.
I thought I was in control of my life pre cancer. Once I walked out of the doctor's office with my cancer diagnosis papers in hand - I suddenly became a spectator instead of an owner and my first question to myself was - "So this is it? This is life?" . Twelve months have passed me by while I was convalescing, recovering, relaxing, and chilling. And now, after the year long treatment only the numbness in my fingers and toes remain to remind me that my body was once ravaged with a terminal disease and that I am still human, a frail weak human who can easily succumb to illness and death at any given time. But still not all is bad.
I am thankful - like always - for the way things turned out for me. I am so thankful that I still have my mother - who had to look after me while she was not well herself, who comforted me with her words when I was down and with her touch when she eased my leg pain. I would have struggled so much if she wasn't there. Not everyone are blessed with a mother who can be with them at times of difficulty - hence not only am I thankful, I am grateful and despite my pain I was able to see my blessings from God through her.
My husband - stayed with me throughout. He held me, never letting me go in every step of the process. He was there for every treatment and every appointment and supported my every decision in my recovery and also got us a helper to ease the house load so I can completely focus on my health ( which was the best decision ever!).
Family and friends who kept in touch with me daily and weekly also played a part in my recovery and I am alway grateful for those people. I managed to come out of this experience humbled and more aware of my limitations and things that are beyond my control such as God and his presence.
Just a few days back - my son told me that a classmate's mum also has cancer but a different one. My heart went out to his friend and I felt bad, wondering if that parent has the support that I had. I really wish she did.
One year on - I am doing great. This time next year - I am not sure if I will still be around - but if I am - I hope to be more grateful and thankful to God for the days I have and for the experiences I have been through. I know what I can do and cannot do and I am aware of my reactions to certain events and in the process of controlling it. May I be given the patience to handle any drama thrown in my way, be given less drama and focus on my health and life. Ameen,