I had a blog from 2007 all the way till last year where I suddenly stopped for no reason whatsoever.
I just didn't have a reason to blog. Life was routine. Wake up, get the kid to school, prepare for work, go to work, work, come back from work, pick kid from school, get dinner to the table, mumble here and there with the husband and sleep. Throw in some vacations here and there. some parenting complaints here and there and some work shit here and there. That was life. I had something to write about for a while.
I am not exactly sure why I write. I am not writing for a living or to gain a following (god forbid). I just do it. Sometimes I do it keeping in mind that one day my son would read it. So at times my blog is like a letter to my son, at times a letter to myself. And at times, just a middle aged woman writing down some words.
So one day I wrote and wrote. Then one day I stopped. I didn't have a schedule but I did write at least once a month. But then it stopped one day. I did realise that the last time I was excited enough about something in life to blog about, I didn't even post it. I just forgot about it. Then the blog just lapsed away. And also - I was pretty busy with work and PSLE and all the normal stuffs - there was nothing I can actually write about. Almost 13 years later - what else can I write about?
Then one fine day - I got diagnosed with cancer. Thankfully my cells rebelled in a location where something can be done. I am grateful and thankful to Allah that at least my cells revolted in a safe spot. My life jolted for a while. I wouldn't say stopped. It just came to a screeching break. I was going somewhere fast but no idea as to where I was heading. I had to stop at some point and take stock of my life. And then I move on.
I will not say cancer took me by surprise. But it did take a while to accept the diagnosis and it did take a while to accept this new life as a new norm along with COVID (goodness what a drag this bastard has been this year!). Along with something new, I wanted to remember this. I wanted to remember what I went through, will go through to reflect on my past and to emerge a winner at the end of it all. So I planned. My work now on an indefinite break, I needed to do something rather than just research about cancer during my free time. I went back to do something familiar, something easy, something that came to me naturally. I went back to blog.
But when I went back - I felt that all those years of posting seemed useless. Whats with the bitching and lamenting? Duh! Somehow everything seemed so trivial. And I needed a new blank page to start this journey. Not just a blank page, a brand new journal with a new look and feel would only make the cut. I though of the designs, I played around with a few templates, a few websites to get an idea. I took my time throughout the month August to plan and note and write down what I want. Once my surgery was over, I decided to go live. And I did. I like taking pics and editing them. And I like my brand to be in everything I owe. So I created everything from scratch.
I paid for my logo, my online signature, my website, my photo editing tools and everything. A part of me thought I was crazy. But the crazy part of me thought why not? Lets make this grand. Lets make it bigger. So what? Who will read this blog? Probably no one. Probably a million readers. Who knows? I am not bothered about the outcome. I am only bothered about the process. I want to do something about this new norm. I want to document it as much as possible and make sense of what is happening to me. May be I will never understand. But this is something for me to look forward to every day, To make my blog bigger and better. Bigger with what and and better than what? Well - bigger and better than my old blog. Fighting!!