• Nathira Salim

Die Happy

The past 36 hours has been a tough one for me so far. Some pregnancy announcements triggered emotions that were well repressed for a couple of years. Followed up with a meet-up with my sister who added salt to the wounds. Then somehow my body went through something I have no idea what last night, I feel very weak today morning.

Backpain coupled with lack of water I think attribute to the uneasy body experience I felt. When Raihaan opened and closed the room door today morning as he was preparing to leave for school, my body trembled with every vibrations the door gave out in the room.

I am not going for my walk today. I just don't feel easy. I need to rest some more perhaps? Or maybe load up with more immunity stuffs. I don't know.

And this is just a few hours of uneasiness and fatigue I'm feeling. I wonder what happens to me if I go through chemo. I am still not decided yet on that.

I am worried about chemo and radiation and its effect on me. I am more particular about my quality of life while my husband is worried about the longevity of it. I want to die happy, not in pain.

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