My end game
Today is a post where I am going to ask questions to myself. Usually I get wake up calls about life - especially when someone dies at a young age. Regardless of them passing away suddenly in an accident, or health failure, or passing away painfully via cancer - its still a loss of life.
I understand the need for death - and I respect it. But when it happens to a budding flower - it kills me. Here I am - about to enter my 40s, and I secretly complain about my routine life, and days passing by so quickly before I can comprehend whats happening - when someone younger passes away without seeing her life unfolding. It hurts me.
What would I do if I know my expiry date? I have been thinking. When I was younger- I think I would have come up with something immediately. Right now - all I can think is - maybe travel?
What would I do? If its cancer - I want to go away hugging my husband and my son. That's my ideal scenario. If I were to die....
Suddenly the number of Pandora Charms I collected does not seem important.
Suddenly the number of branded stuffs I saved money to buy does not seem important.
Suddenly the complaints of unkempt and messy house seems trivial.
Suddenly the lack of money or my inability to save money seems way too trivial.
The fights, nags between me and my son seems so pointless.
What would be important then?
What would I regret not doing?
What do I want to do?
- Travel first class in SQ - long distance
- Stay in a suite in Marina Bay Sands
- Have the best most delicious food
- Hug each BTS member and tell them that I love them
- Go to a BTS concert and let my hair down and party hard!
- Do a last family portrait with my parents
- Make peace with the friends I lost along the way
- Colur my hair platinum silver
- Maybe smile a lot and frown a little less?
I don't really know. It took me some time to even come up with the list above.
I don't want to regret.I don't want to at my death bed - go on listing what I did and didn't do. I don't want to die with a heavy heart. I want to go at peace - want to go believing that I did all I wanted to do, achieved what I wanted to, fulfilled whatever was destined for me and going back to where I came from. That would be my perfect end game scenario.