How I wish

I have a young friend, whom I made acquaintance a year or so ago, who over the months have become more than just a colleague to a friend I really admire. Shes exactly 12 years younger than me, beautiful, smart, talented, artistic, talkative and cheerful. I loved her disposition and her personality. You can hear her laughing miles away and shes my infamous chocolate thief. Shes the one person I know whos from India, but her lifestyle and her outlook of life is so very different from the same age indian girls I know.

She lives. She does not merely exist -  but she lives. The zeal she has for her life is infectious. The adventures she seeks, the places she travels, the people she sees -  they make me envious. Because at her age -  or even lesser than that -  I was not like that! I was so typical. All I did was exist. I was born, I grew, I did what all the other girls did. got married, had a child and moving on in life. Thats all I am doing. Existing -  but not living.

At the time of me knowing her -  we had another newcomer in the same office we worked. I will call her Girl2 for this post. Girl 2 was of the same age as my friend. And I was familiar with her type. The ones who merely exist. Well to be fair to her -  shes a jovial person too -  but she was tied down by the norms of the culture we indians seem so fond to have over girls and their lives. All she ever does is work, go home, be at the mercy of her guardians in Singapore, and when the time come, get married. I totally get her cos I was like as her as well.

What I am trying to say is -  I admire my friend because shes going to places and seeing things I have never seen before. My friend is single, but engaged to be married to a good looking dude. She works away from home in Singapore, lives alone, took her degree part time, goes out for diving, skydiving,mountain trekking and so on. I mean -  I would love to travel too -  but I think my taste is more to relaxing and taking in the sights and sounds rather than hurl myself out of a flight or at a ravine just for the fun of it!

Of course I am jealous of her lifestyle, but then all this "glamour" comes with the pain my friend goes through behind the scenes. She has to pay her rent and provide food for herself and has to pay for her degree and her travels -  all her own money. Her family is well off -  but shes independent. She says she wants to enjoy her life before getting tied down -  and I don't see her getting married anytime soon.

What I am truly envious is of course  the fact that I was not as smart as she is right now at her age. My world didn't let me see the bigger picture of life. I didn't think big. Actually the better excuse would be -  I did not know how to think big. The world my parents made me see was a small, negative one -  which I was so desperate to come out of - I was willing to marry any one at first sight. The guys I hung out with -  well anjadis are anjadis -  what to expect? No role model at all.

All that said -  that does not mean I don't love my life now. But then sometimes and I mean sometimes, I feel - I am not living life as its meant to be lived. Wake up, rush to work, work at work, rush back, pick kid, make dinner, teach kid, back to bed. Repeat. Its always when I am washing the dishes, I can hear my inner bitch say :" What the hell?".

Well -  I really wish my friend keeps travelling and see the life outside and make the most of it. I have always been happy for her and am very proud that this girl breaks the typical indian girl stereotype I have been familiar with. My love will always be with you Akki.

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