Reacting

Reacting is a natural instinct. But it depends on our culture, personal experience and mood that shapes our reactions. How we react to an event is a feedback on the type of background we came from and the people we lived among,An event itself  -  however is not inherently happy or sad. Think about it.

I give you an example.

Event: Son comes home with a scar across his thighs.
What happened: His classmate was playing with scissors and somehow that thing made a mark on his thigh - teacher investigated, classmate apologised, and issue resolved.

Father's reaction: Get all the people involved -  teacher, classmate, principle, school management people and parents and talk about why kids are allowed to bring dangerous weapons ( scissors) to school.

My reaction: I pay so much for taekwando lessons and you can't even defend yourself?  Pfft. Deal with this yourself.

Summary: Shit happens. I can't be around him all the time to ensure his safety, hes old enough to defend himself against a  20kg skinny kid.

See? One event, different reactions from the parents, the kids involved and the teacher. By the way, the meeting the Father wanted didn't materialize - I managed to talk it down.

As such - how we react gives us immense pleasure or unspeakable pain. Its in the how -  that we need to focus on and train to ensure that we don't end up feeling negative.

All my life -  I kept reacting to events in the way I know because that is how I thought I should react. I have seen my parents react to situations -  only in the negative. I have seen characters in the movies react in the negative when faced with certain situations. I have seen my peers, friends, relatives all react  -  which now I think  - at this stage in my life - I feel is unwarranted for. So much drama.

And when I see my hubby react -  I am usually in awe. He doesn't react much. When you tell him something that can cause a reaction -  he takes a few second to take that information in, process it in his complicated mind, decide what to do with that information, analyse way beforehand how the others around him will react,what are the consequences, complications and implications that event will induce, think of a reply that will not indicate exactly what hes thinking and then react in the neutral. This takes place in less than a minute.

In all the situations that we have been as a couple in the past - there have been some which I think deserve a thorough reaction of spitting out expletives, cursing, swearing and tearing the house down - but my husband remains calm most of the time. In situations where my heart would break in fear for the safety of my child -  my husband is calm. Work wise -  I know hes calm in most situation -  focus on the word "most".( He deals with people -  cannot remain calm all the time)

I don't know how he does it. Well of course I know how he does it and why but I for some reason - am not able to learn this art of not reacting.

Yesterday someone told me that she got pregnant. I have been expecting this to happen actually  so it did not come as a surprise. And I happen to be the first recipient of this news. I refused to react. I know what my mind thinks and my heart feels - but I just refused to react. Its a good news, something that I have been expecting will happen and looking forward to it as well. But knowing what I have known about me all these while -  I made some choices. I chose not to blame me for the lack of such good news for myself. I chose to forgive myself for my shortcomings. I chose to heal my heart for the hurt it feels inside.  I chose to accept that this is what it is. I chose - not to react in the negative. It took me more than a minute I admit -  but I still reacted in the positive. I am happy for her - and will always be happy for her.

Not only that -  I will be happy for any woman out there - who despite all odds have done somethings to achieve greater heights for themselves in terms of work and personal life and are happy. 

Now excuse me  - I am going to start shopping for the new baby.

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