Helpless Clueless

There are some moments in life when you are a parent you feel helpless. Actually most of the moments  in my life ever since I became a Mum, I have been helpless. But ever since my son started communicating and going to school -  its been..what do you say? A challenge.

Negotiating screen time when its not Computer Day (Mon, Wed and Fri), negotiating why he cannot have chocolate waffles every day after school, explaining to him why he needs to complete his homework, explaining to him why he needs to go swimming and martial arts class, etc. Then there are more subtle challenges like telling him life will be ok.

How do I do that? I know for a fact that life will never be ok. Its going to be up and then down and then way down before it goes up. But how do I explain that to him?

At nights, when we are resting next to each other is when my son is at his most vulnerable self. That's when his secrets start coming out. Though I am open to him talking to me, I am afraid I may not be giving him the best perfect advise. What do I tell a boy who thinks everyone and everything around him is horrible? School is horrible. His teachers are horrible. His classmates are horrible. His parents are horrible ( for sending him to school) and his mother is the most horrible ( because I revise home works with him). Listening to him blame me for his horrible life...well that's where patience kicks in.

Then there's this negative talk. He says hes not good enough. Hes not smart enough. Its not what he says - its the way he says it. Its like hes stating a fact -  to provoke me.

Today -  he cried to school. He begged me not to send him to school. He didn't do his MT work last night and that despite repeated warnings from me. And today, I think he thought he could skip school. This year -  hes been giving way too many excuses to miss school ( chest pain, headache, stomach pain) -  all before or during his MT class.  I felt helpless when he cried and begged not to go to school. That's the helpless part.

And then he tells me one night he hates his MT teacher. She has called him names he said. Shes always scolding him he said.

I am not going to elaborate much on this -  I have to check this out and maybe once I talk to her, I will be able to understand whats going on.

Parenting at this age and era has a lot of challenges and hes not into his teens yet where I will have to advise him how to choose his friends ( nerds ok, guys with tattoos - stay away. Girls - don't even think about it), talk about sex ( I think I might get his dad to talk about this), curfew, places hes allowed to go, staying over at friends, screen time and so on, I am already tired thinking about that.

Hes going to be a double digit age in less than a year. And in less than three years a teen. I am worried how he will turn out. Being a single child, I am afraid he will be socially inept, an introvert,the guy who will be behind the computer screen.

And  my guilt is eating me up slowly. Its because of me, he has to spend five hours after school at another location and wait for me to pick him up. I feel bad. I wish I knew what to do.

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