Less than International

When I told someone that the reason I was working was because of an ego clash with my husband, you know what she told me? She said that if she was given a choice, she would rather stay at home with her kids and listen to whatever her hubby says about her  -  bruised ego or not.

Yes you will. Why do you think I should?

Long time ago -  a couple of south Indian friends asked me who leads the family..me or my husband.They didn't believe me when I said it was my husband.

Yes you will not believe because all the discussions happen in the privacy of our bedroom and in the study room. When he budgets, I listen. When he plans, I listen. There's something called portion control, I do whats best with what I know - cooking, cleaning, teaching my kid, planning the event, organizing trips local and abroad. And my husband -  budget control, finance and work and free advise. He don't tell me what to do and vice versa.

Another south Indian friend told me once that her husband is not like mine - he would want to have his cup of coffee the moment he comes home. I took that as a compliment. Because my husband know how to ask what and when.

Look ladies, my life is  not like yours.Everyone is different, but just because I married one your people in India, doesn't mean the attitude is the same with the lot you end up with, He may have been born in India, he may be Indian, but hes International way before I met him and is very much the same today.

Don't expect him to fuss around with food -  that's not his style. He knows there are restaurants and he knows how to order food.

Don't expect him to complain about food -  he knows I worked hard  to get it on the table and it didn't come there out of thin air. If there's no salt - he will let me know - politely. Never hurts my feelings.

Don't expect him to stay within budget. He worked hard and he knows how to spend hard as well. He never cuts back on money to his family in India, or to my family. He spends and does it without complaining.

Don't expect him to show favoritism to his family in India. He knows what to do for his family without messing up with the balance. This he learnt over time, but hes perfected it now.

Don't expect him to control my attitude. He married the girl his heart chose. Not a child for him to control. He is married to me because of my attitude - not to change it. ( Though he has moulded it now)

Don't expect him to complain about my weight to me - hes got much class than that. He has asked me to lose the weight, so that I can live longer  -  not to look good for the people around him. And he said it only once...never after that.

Don't expect him to be ashamed of me ( not sure why, but many do think he should) -  I have walked with him side by side holding his hands to events, talks, and everywhere else. Apart from our son -  I am always stand tall and proud when I walk with him ( though yes he is short, but you know what I mean)

Likewise -  don't think because I have a seemingly good husband, I should be submissive to him. I love him, I like him, I respect him and I will go anywhere where he asks me to go if hes with me. If hes with me, I am battle ready, But that does not mean -  I lose myself in the process. For him to respect me, I should respect myself. Some where along the line we forget about the reasons why we are married and take each other for granted -  this happens to all married couple. The men expect coffee when they enter the house, some expect food, some expect total silence. And this happens because they think they were born to be served and the wife thinks she was born to serve him and the kids,

If I stay at home, listening to my husband belittling me - what does it do to me? Will I grow? Will I love myself? Most importantly will my son respect me? If I am sacrificing time spent with my son to earn extra cash, does that mean I love my son less? Or do you think if I did stay at home, my son is going to remember all the sacrifices I did for him while he was growing up? Bullshit.

You bring up your kids depending on you  -  so that's on you. Don't blame me for wanting to earn a living.

You let your husband decide what you should eat, wear, cook -  so that's on you. Don't laugh at me when I say we decide whats best for the family together,

You are afraid of your future if your husband leaves you -  and why are you even thinking like that? Will he ever? If you answer yes - then I am really sad for you. You have messed up your life for good.

Yes we fight. Yes he bruises my ego. But this makes me grow. If he didn't hurt my ego years ago -  I wouldn't have taken a degree  -  which enabled a salary raise and a total change in my work and now people.

If he didn't hurt my ego months ago -  I wouldn't have ended up working here -  this place is beautiful and serene. The work is light and the people are helpful and fun.

Most importantly, he lets me grow. He lets me be. Hes not afraid of my growth. Hes not afraid I will fail. Hes not waiting for me to fail.

So please ladies. Don't expect anything less than International  from my husband. I am where I am because of him.

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