I don't give a damn

I was never good when it comes to consoling people during bad times. Loss of job, marriage, a life - anything. I am not good at consoling people. When I attend funerals - I‘d be quiet. What do you say? That you understand their loss? Because I don’t and don’t want to. Do I say that everything will be ok? Because I know that’s not true. Nothing will ever be the same again. Do I tell them to stay strong? Because I know it’s not possible. They will break down when they are alone. Do I tell them that I will be there for them? I don’t know and I can’t promise that. So what do I say? I usually just hold their hands, a touch a hug or something and I’d leave.

I recently promised a family member that I’d be there to support her. She just lost her husband to another woman and she’s lost almost everything but kids, house and job. I promised that I’d be there for her and I tried - but not to what she expected. She wasn’t happy. She said I was selfish and a lot of other words that didn’t make sense. Everyone tells me to ignore most of the rants because she’s in a dark place. She has to vent out her anger somewhere. Maybe it’s true.

So how do you support someone who’s become a single parent? I checked out the internet and most of the points are valid as well.

Ask them what they need?

Tell them that you have their back.

Tell them that they will go through this

Tell them that shit happens not because they are a bad person – but shit happens.

Yeah I got it. But I have a bad attitude. When it’s my fault – I know it’s my fault. My compass of fault always points at my direction. You will not hear me blaming anyone else (maybe I blame my hubby and kid here and there), but definitely- my flaw – is always my fault and it’s always because of me. Period.

Just because they are in a dark place - doesn’t mean they get to blame others for their shit. You are in a dark place because of the choices you made earlier on. And you are in a dark place now to think about it and work on it. Not the other way around. I don’t mind you rant maybe a month or 2. Heck I can grant you three months to rant your mistakes on your family members. But not more. Simply because why should I listen to you when it’s not my fault? I am no Mother Theresa .

I am sorry but I am not the right person for all these. I had my moment of darkness years ago. I was there for 12 months. I cried every single day, screamed for help in silence when I was in the shower, wallowed in self-pity and guilt all at the same time and I nearly lost my all too. But that 12 month period also gave me time to arm my inventory. I didn’t want to be at anyone’s mercy.  My shit got me here, and I will get out here was the attitude. And it took 12 months for my life to return back to a quarter of the old life that I had and it took another 3 years for the wounds to heal and a total of 6 years to have a new lease of life -  fresh and start from the beginning again. All on my own, protected by God and his mercy throughout.

Each people battle their demons their own way. Who am I to judge them with their chosen methods to fight back? I am sorry - but no I don’t get you. And it’s not my job to get you. My job is to ensure that I have my family’s back. I don't care whats been said about me because in the end, I can never make anyone happy. Because I don't give a damn.