Divorce and second marriages in my culture

Indians generally do not like to talk about certain stuffs. Like sex and family planning. One of the other subjects that are taboo -  are remarriages.

Being Indian Muslim -  we have both the religious and cultural tag against us. For example -  in Indian culture, remarrying a divorcee with a child or children is not encouraged or frowned upon. But in Islam, the men are encouraged to support them and their family when they have no one. Either a widow with or without kids or a divorcee with or without kids.

Unfortunately -  though as much as we Singapore Indian Muslims like to dress up in tudung, baju kurung, speak Malay and struggle in Tamil ( though a majority of them come from 2 particular states in Tamil Nadu), shun the saree, and almost adopt the Malay's way of culture and life -  their  mentality is pretty much Indian. Not normal Indians you know....typical village Indians.

The eligible bachelors in most cases will never marry 2nd hand wife. She has to be a newbie as well.
Only the 2nd hand guy look for 2nd hand wife- and some even dare to look for newbies. And these 2nd hand guys -  will only look for 2nd hand wife with no kids. And even if they by some chance do get to like and want to marry a 2nd hand wife with kids -  it comes with lots of conditions  -  more with the ties between the biological dad and the kids.

What is it with these people? One of the major sarcastic remarks against Islam was that it allows polygamy ( marry max of 4 women). Our prophet actually married more than 4 women. But these people do not know- that he first married a woman much older than him and stayed married to her for a very very long time. He did not take in another wife whilst still married to her. Not only that-   the issue about the polygamy came about only after some major war took place and majority of men were killed. Their wives and kids lost their sole breadwinner and struggled to live with respect in the society that was and still is dominated by the men. To ensure these women and children were not exploited sexually, physically or emotionally - the prophet married them to give them protection.

War still happens. Women and children are left abandoned on the streets. We have seen the images in the media. Look at what happened to them.  They are now being kidnapped and sold to slavery to terror cells like ISIS. If there were more men like the Prophet -  their lives would have been so much better.

But then there's an ugly picture on the other side too. Not all guys who marry second hand wifes are saints. Aren't there cases in which these men go touchy with their wive's children? Simply because the child is not his, he can pretty much do anything to the kid. Hence there are some who are afraid to get married.

I am pretty sure there are some like minded Indian Muslim men in this society who are marrying 2nd hand wives and caring for their kids as their own. But they are not a majority. Unlike the Malay people - the men don't mind marrying second hand wives and lead happy life. They place priority to their family and yes they have a huge brood -  but they care for their brood and they love to have children. Its Sunnah to have many children, because they are blessings from God.

The Indian Muslim men, both here in Singapore and India -  need to adopt a little from Islam. The mindset has to change.And the change I believe should start from the elders in the family first.

Popular Posts