I am not special - or am I?

We would like to think we are special in someways or another. We would like to think there's some hidden talent inside us and just waiting for the right time and opportunity for it to shine out of us. Special stuffs could be like singing, dancing, rapping, coming up with poetry and acting, mimicry -  the Arts of life to entertain people. Some with memory skills. Some who can tell you whatever happened on a particular day -  anywhere in the past. Some with engineering skills -  they can take apart a car and build it back and make it work. I use to take an alarm clock apart -  didn't have the time to put it back. I was five at that time.

Like wise, some are born savants in one or many things. They have special skills, that people manage to have unlocked in this lifetime.  I mean its nice to know you can do this so and so. I was told there's always something unique and special in each homo sapiens. But then, so what?

We go through the normal process of life every single day, minute and second. Don't you ever find it routine? You begin your day doing something you have been doing for the past God knows how many years and may do so for the next few and you don't think much of it. Routine. Brushing your teeth while you are deep in thought and the next thing you know - you have stepped out of the shower. You fail to remember if you had shampoo or not.

Routine. My life is routine based. Definitely not a fixed one, but routine it still is. I am turning 37 this year and I have grown tired of it.I remember waking up and the next thing I know I m back in the bed at night. What the hell happened in between, I cannot remember. I am not living life in the moment. It just passed me.

I cook, wash dishes, do the laundry, mop the house, clean the house, teach my kid, teach myself, work  -  and repeat. Every. Single. Day. Period

Do I sound unsatisfied? I don't know myself. But I notice this routine now more than ever. A very normal person. Do I have any talent? I can eat a lot and sleep a lot. I discover plots in crime fiction books and drama. I am a good listener. They are traits. Not skills. I don't have any inborn skills that stands me out from the norm. I AM the norm.

You know the normal people -  the politicians have no qualms when they kill in a war? The casualties? The simpletons? The innocents -  well I am one of them. The very normal people.  You know how in the education system in Singapore - where the elites are identified and groomed and the rest - they are pushed to the sidelines to be trained for normal employment?  I belong there. I am no super human. Its very disheartening to know that I have no special talents that would enable a sure entrance into Professor Xavier's X-Men Academy. Nor can I join the FBI, CIA or anything special at all. The reality that I am no one special -  seriously is very sad. If I can pick any talent ( if I happen to see a menu of talents and it comes free..) it would be the talent to retain whatever I read and study. I want to be able to learn a skill extremely fast and be an expert in it. I will like that.
But then -  there's no such menu. I have to work hard  - very hard to retain whatever I learn. Even that -  I am normal.

I have no mystery in my life. I am not adopted -  so my parents are not spies or millionaires or anything. I don't have a stalker ( mashallah for that! I really do not need that now!). All I have is financial debts like every other normal people. Again - normal.

So what do I have that stands out?

A very understanding, super kind, loving,forgiving, sexy and romantic husband who thinks the world of me and makes me laugh every day. Every. Day.

A beautiful, smart, sensitive,kind and loving son -  who in so many ways emulates his father than me and I am sure will grow up to have all his father's talents, and intelligence and whose presence in my life means more than my life.

A very strong, very loving, very forgiving mother who in some ways is more a friend than a mother at this stage of life  -  who shaped my life and the way I used to see things. Many things could be said about her -  but her presence is one thing I am always grateful for.

My lovely wonderful blessings from Allah - my nephew and nieces. They are a constant reminder from Allah that miracles exists - and He definitely exist. They make me special - they make me their Aunt. Being their aunt - is a very special thing - not a skill of course - but its still a lovely privilege.

My life may be routine. My life may be normal. I may be one of the casualties. But I am special. I am someone's wife, mother,daughter,aunt,sister and if I may extend, I am someone's friend, and someone's first love. If I am removed -  they will grieve ( I actually hope so  -  now come to think of it!). The grief will soon pass by and the sadness will be lifted in time to come. But I will remain special because I used to be in their life and I am pretty sure, I will not be forgotten by them.

So -  if in any stage of life you feel you are nothing but a small fry in the nature of things -  take a step back and take stock of what you have. You may or may not have a talent, but you are always given something to make you stand out from the rest. Just be you. That itself is God given.

Popular Posts