Women in general

Reading time: 9 minutes including yawning.

There are lot of things that women go through generally in life that they are not given credit to.
I mean -  we are all created equally by God. Men were made stronger than women and women were given the powers to give birth and reproduce the next generations. Both are strong.

But over the years -  after upgrading from living in caves, to jungles, to farms, to apartments -  I am not sure if women's life changes accordingly. We are still the caretakers and the baby producers and so many things.
When I say so many things -  I really mean so many things. I don't really think I need to spell out what women are capable of. I have mentioned it in my blog so many times as well.

But then really  - do people know all that?  We know that as primary caretakers, we look after the house, the family and if given the luxury of time -  ourselves. But I have recently come across scenarios in which when woman ignore themselves -  the unhealthy sight of it. Let me explain in detail ( i have the all the time today)

In a typical Indian household in India  -  or to focus more -  lets zoom into a typical Indian household in Chennai, India -  there's usually the parents, children and the elders. The relatives would live nearby-  or in different places. Now I m focusing on the city life- and not the village life. I have to be clear on that as well.
A girl child is born and brought up like normal kids till one day she goes through menarche. Suddenly her whole life changes. Shes ultra protected. She will no longer be able to play with the boys, talk to boys, hangout late in the neighbour's house to play. She will be watched and noted by the protective parents. Somehow -  not only the parents, but the entire network of family - the relatives, the well meaning friends -  all of them look out for the well being of the child who's almost a woman.

When shes just stepped into womanhood like somewhere mid 19 or 20 years old - assuming shes not able to find a match for herself -  the parents and the well meaning relatives and friends, do the matchmaking. Finding eligible bachelors for the eligible bride

From the time she reaches puberty till shes sold on the market to the groom -  she completes her education, or go to work. Some ultra radical family  - will not allow them to work. They would rather them stay at home, learn some skills than work or find living. I guess its their way of saying that my daughter does not need to work or find living. She lived as a princess and will be married of as one. Its not as if the daughters are trained to cook 9 course meals, followed by 3 course deserts and all. All they ever do at home is read trashy magazines, or yak and talk to friends.  When they do get married -  its definitely not a simple affair.

Islam for all its simplicity -  maintains that marriage between husband and wife is to be conducted as simple as possible. No pompous affairs. No extravagance, or elaborate ceremonies or stuffs like that. I cannot comment on Hindu or Christian weddings -  but being Muslim-  I am sad to say -  the wedding ceremonies are almost similar to the Hindus in Chennai. But I am not talking about the customs or rituals -  I m in fact focusing on the extravagance of it.

Once the marriage is over -  the newly wed bride -  who has been ultra protected by everyone around her, and may or may not have had boyfriend, and the closest thing to obscenity she ever saw in life was a boy giving a girl a kiss -  on her hands -  is then asked to be fucked by the man she just married like few hours ago. She could have met the groom earlier before the marriage, or communicated over the phone after the wedding was confirmed and engagement done ( usually the groom is absent from his own engagement). The women rule during wedding anyways.

So then  -  shes supposed to know all about sex. Usually the only piece of advise the mom gives to the bride is - "behave accordingly".

No advise on what to expect, no idea about hows shes supposed to react, no idea if she should suddenly be free and be naked, or fully clothed on the first night the bride and groom are together. How the hell they come to know what to be done alone is a human miracle itself!!

When the deed is done and over with -  shes then required to live amongst strangers.
Shes supposed to wake up wee hours in the morning  to prepare breakfast for the family members. When she don't -  she labelled as a lazy one - and her parents are blamed.

She supposed to prepare fantastic breakfast - all on her own - and know her way around the kitchen. When she don't  - shes labelled as an idiot and her parents are blamed.

Shes supposed to clean the house, the kitchen, the rooms, do the laundry, mingle with more strangers, smile at more strangers, need to remember the names and the relations. When she don't  -  shes labelled as being arrogant and her parents are blamed.

Shes supposed to declare she's pregnant on the 3rd month of her wedding. When she doesn't, shes labelled as not active in bed -  and her parents are blamed. Suddenly -  the mother in law, the aunties in law, the neighour all keep track of  her menstrual cycle and will ask on the dot whether she has had her period of the month. And when she don't, they all will offer the number of a well known gyn to check out.

Shes supposed to conceive at least on her first wedding anniversary. When she doesn't shes labelled as infertile  - and her parents are blamed - this time for marrying off an infertile woman to their obviously super fertile son.

From becoming a princess in her own house to everyone's slave at a new place -  that woman goes through alot. There are alot more a woman goes through as well. Dowries, in law tortures and stuffs like that.

When she finally becomes a mother -  shes expected to know everything about motherhood. No bottle feeding -  only breastfeeding. No complaints about pains should be heard. The child should only be fed with good food cooked from scratch  - no bottled food or food powder allowed.

When the child is one year and older -  the woman is expected to produce another.

All these and more. She has to learn how to live accordingly with the groom's family. If that bugger has older sisters -  then shes at their mercy. She would be constantly criticized for doing this and that. If that bugger has younger sister -  then she still at her mercy.

Again -  please note I am only talking about South Indian ladies -  and I am not talking about anyone in particular -  I am talking about them in general.

I feel bad for them.

Whatever happened to their dreams?
Whatever happened to their hopes?
Don't they have something to look forward to in their lives? Are these women all about living for someone else?
What are they? What have they become?

One woman I talked to said that after sending off her kids to school in the morning -  she does nothing all day till the kids come back. She then cooks and then the cycle continues. She has no idea how to use anything techy, she not allowed to go out to learn anything.

I just recently had a group of friends from India meet up - and all they talked about was how horrible living with their sister in laws was... They all had their wounds from war -  to show off. They were comparing their individual torture!!

The mentality that women cannot achieve much rather than producing babies and looking after the family has to stop. Women are so powerful that they determine the fate of their families through reputation. When a woman leaves her husband -  hes ruined, and ridiculed. When a woman leaves her married family -  her entire family is ridiculed in their narrow minded society. A family's honor rests solely on the women of the house. If any one of the teenage girls elope -  the entire family either goes on a killing spree or kill themselves. I admit -  they are weak physically. Being bred as weak and fragile creatures all their lives -  they cannot protect themselves against men. There are weird people all around us.They have weird lives around them. We live amongst them and we have no choice but to live in a safe and protective environment. Either the ladies are educated to protect themselves, or learn to live a life that's productive and more than just watching serials all day long. They have to come out from their rut and start living.

They can start by being active. Walk and move around. They will meet people, they will make friends, they will create more network of good people with similar habits or better. If you don't change, change will not happen.

This is just one general loose aspect of being a woman in south india. There are women who are mutilated,raped, killed, sold as slaves and sex slaves, purged in the name of religion, and burnt alive -  not only in India-  in many many places as well. First world countries such as USA - also have such cases -  and this not limited to just 3rd world countries.

I have said this over and over again. Women are powerful creatures, who have lost their way amongst men. They can rise above all to be a superwoman, multitask work and family, enjoy a great sex life with the man of her life and sleep a good deep sleep -  ONLY - if the man she marries supports her. He must be the pillar of strength and support for her to rise. He must be the leader in which she can follow and lead when hes not around. He must be broad minded enough to understand the ever changing world and society and embrace change. He must be wise enough to know how to make his parents happy along with his wife.All in all - he must truly love the woman. If he loves her enough -  he will be able to support her and go through changes that irritates him. Indian men have a long way to go...its improving -  but still a long way to go.

We are all given this wonderful opportunity to breathe and live. We are brought into this world to love God and all the things He created. We are supposed to grow wiser as we age -  not depressed. Not go through the same motions in life as in auto pilot. The moment they stop taking care of themselves, physically and mentally -  they fall into a vicious cycle of depression. This will in turn hurt them, their kids and then their entire family.

I dont think we were created just to cook and clean for the husbands. We are so much more than that. We shape the future of our children! If that's not enough to show how important and powerful we are  - then I m not sure what else will.

We need more women educators, more women activists and more woman in combat and martial arts field. They need to train and empower girls and teach them to defend themselves. We cannot wait for a Surya, Arya or Rajnikanth ( please no!) to save us from villains. Its high time -  we learn how to tackle our own villains. We shouldn't be the helpless babe with the hole where they can fuck and go  -  we should be the Goddess in which the fuckers should turn to dust before they touch and say go

Popular Posts