I have bigger fishes to fry

Have you ever come across a scenario in your life in which you find out people count you out in certain things you do?

I have been counted out in various activities conducted by my poly mates -  but I m not here lamenting about that fact. No matter what -  the people I befriended in my poly days -  they will remain near and dear to me and I love each one of them. The multi tasking Farzana and Azim and her beautiful family, Rajen and Ras, Thiagu, Manisha and John, Raghu and Brinda, Sue and Zubir and Nesh. Lets not get too excited and add the boys I dated to the list...they don't count (haha)

But I have made friends outside that life too right? When they play games with you -  you either play it back or forgive and forget.

Lets for example say -  a friend added me in a WhatsApp group to arrange to surprise another friend on her birthday like 3 weeks from now. We have already arranged to have a gathering end of the next month. That's settled and all. But this short friend of mine -  wanted to surprise the other girl. So we agreed to meet up at her place under the void deck and surprise her with the cake and all. We got to know before hand that the birthday girl was not planning to leave the country or anything.

First -  this short friend of mine asked the group what food we had in mind to eat at the night of surprise.. I honestly thought we cut the cake and go back home...midnight, have kid to put to bed, so I didn't think of supper. And the surprise event was like at least 3 weeks ahead. I never liked planning way ahead of time -  especially for others. You don't have control over that person. So I replied that it was too early to plan -  why not we decide on the food a week before the surprise. I think I was right in telling that. That short girl said she was busy till that surprise night. What am I doing? Shaking my bonbon? We are all fucking busy too you know? It was the morning and I hate to ruin my day - so I told her to plan what she wants  - or if shes too busy - I will get the food myself. But she said since I will be late coming to the surprise event after my son's graduation -  she somehow felt it was considerate she gets the food. So I said whatever. End of the subject.

Second -  2 weeks before her birthday -  the birthday girl planned to fly to KL. I found out. I informed the group about it. The short girl  -  having such a small brain- was confused. "How come? She said she wasn't leaving anywhere?"  Well hello?!! She cannot be staying put in her house just cos a friend planned something right? So I replied  - " well changes happen."

But I asked a 3rd friend to casually check and confirm the dates.

Third -  Yesterday -  it was confirmed that the birthday girl was not going to be at her home after all. So I informed the group.
The short girl who started this group , just replied  that the plan is scrapped. And she left the group -  just like that. Leaving the 2nd person to be the admin. I was like...what happened?
No notice nothing -  and she just leaves the group?

Fourth - The members in the group was baffled as well. And then one of them - called me. I am not going into details here-  but the summary was this. The short girl messaged the 3rd member and changed plans and wanted to have the surprise the night before the birthday. And she asked if the whole group is ok with that. The 3rd friend was ok  -  but said she should consult with me to see if I can make it. But the short friend did not want me in. 3rd friend surprised. So she was asked -  why would you say surprise the birthday girl as a group -  and not involve Hira? And she replied: " Ok I will get back to you."

I was having my dinner outside with hubby when I was on the phone with the 3rd friend. So hubby kinda knew the whole story. But after the phone call -  I just told my friend to leave this issue and forget abt this phone conversation and move on. 3rd friend hung up and I went back to eating my food. Hubby was not happy about the whole thing. Honestly speaking ( or typing) I took maybe 2-3 minutes to think about the whole scenario and assess the situation to see if I said something wrong. When I concluded I was not at fault -  I just resumed eating. Even hubby was surprised I took in lightly.

I am going to explain the reasons here:

First of all - I am a 35 years old wife, mother, IT consultant and housewife. I don't play the  "I don't friend you" game any more. I am way past that stage. I may have done that couple of years back -  but things are not the same any more

Secondly -  that birthday girl was, is and will always be my friend. I have celebrated her many birthdays and insha allah will do so. I don't need to have a surprise party to please her. A simple and quiet meal with her will do the trick. And she's my cousin. So I can meet her any time I want. She's a friend -  not a special object to be possessed specifically by one friend. We can meet up after her birthday too insha allah right?

Thirdly -  to explain this - I need a back story. Bear with me please. I have an annoying habit of nor confirming events till the actual day. I have lost friends like that. In that manner -  my Super mom Farzana invited me via FB for open house. I couldn't decide till the actual day if I was going or not. And because i couldn't decide -  plans overlapped and we didn't go. But she messaged and asked if I was coming. And I sheepishly said I was sorry but I couldn't decide and actually if I m not wrong Raihaan was about to be sick as well. But I felt bad when I said that.

But when I invited her over to my house days later -  she and her family came down..and she lives like the opposite part of the island.  She does not know -  but I felt bad that I didn't make it to her house that day. So I told my hubby -  that no matter what -  we will attend every event Farzana invites us over. The moral of the story -  you respect and honour the friend who honours you. I think inadvertently Farzana taught me a lesson and I am following it.

Back to point 3  -  I honour my birthday friend since young. And she likewise. Shes knows I'm not perfect and that's what I need. And when you want friends you must learn to love and respect them no matter what they do or didn't do to you.  And that being said -  you must know who you are loyal too. My 3rd friend -  called me and informed this change of plan -  this is loyalty. You want to sabotage some one-  don't go telling your plans to the person who come from the same place. I think she did not study Sun Tzu!!

Lastly -  I have bigger fishes to fry. Seriously. I have been through so much in life...do you think I will waste my time focusing on the small short girl? I don't want to waste time bad mouthing her - I can waste time blogging about it-  but not bad mouth. I think she lost a nerve in her brain or something - I mean some one so successful and rich with a smart hubby with 2 beautiful girls -  behaving like a school child -  something must have gone wrong with her.

When we are in our 20's or early 30's it may seem that we have a whole life time ahead of you -  but once you reach the mid 30's  - things are not the same anymore. Suddenly you need God's help more than ever to fill the void in your soul. Suddenly having ever thing material - is not as important as the time of prayer anymore. Suddenly its more fun to be with the family and enjoy them rather than with friends over drinks or something like that.

I read somewhere long time back of a guy who lost his wife to cancer. She left behind 2 small children. And to think she battled cancer while looking after young kids -  knowing she will not be there at their every important moment in their lives would have brought her so much sorrow. She prepared and left behind time capsules for her daughters and took studio portraits of herself so that her family will remember her.

I always think about her. And I remind myself all the time that I don't have enough time. Now that I am 35-  I feel that I don't have enough time. I enjoy Raihaan's presence, his kisses and his hugs. I enjoy my hubby's jokes, his incessant chatter and his warm touches  -  and I don't want them to stop. But eventually they will wont it?  I may have said this earlier on in my posts -  but I have adopted gratefulness in whatever I do. For the past 3 years -  I have.

Do you know that whenever I send my kid off to my parents - I fear I may not see him lest I die in my sleep? So every Friday -  I will give me a stronger hug and lots of kisses. I do that every night too. Don't mistake me readers -  I'm not afraid of death. I don't want to die with regret. I don't want to regret not kissing my son enough, or being patient with him enough, or regret not loving my hubby enough or being kinder to him enough. I don't want to regret. Cos as the adage goes -  Life is too short to regret. I am a much better person when I forgive -  so forgetting this whole crappy deal with the short friend is the best thing to do. Was a boring long post wasn't it? Haha.

Ciao people and happy November.

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