I may be the Queen...but I can't have it all

I think its day 6 of fasting.
After the 1st three days, I usually lose count of it. 
I will not be writing too much about it for I think after almost 7 years of blogging, I would have indicated at least 7 times about fasting and what I do every year.
The only thing I can say about this year's fast is that we are eating less and healthy.

I read an article that was shared in FB titled : Women cant have it all -  by PepsiCo Ceo.
Its brutally honest article about how women are struggling to find work-life balance in their lives and the truth that women cannot have it all. It struck a chord in me because I really find it hard to balance my time too. And I work from home -  that's what I call irony.

Well that lady is working in a very high level management position and she says with regret about how she coped with raising her children and running a tight ship at work.

I m not anything high level -  but my project and the time i spend on it has become demanding and i know that this busy period will last for another two-three months and things will be normal. But I have noticed how busy i have become.

I work full time from 9-5pm. I rush to pick kid from school, rush to the supermarket to purchase some small stuffs I forgot the day before, rush back home with kid, prepare snacks for him and at the same time prepare food for iftar that I would have thought about on the way back home. Which leaves me 50 mins time to prepare something healthy and edible ( thanks a lot to my food processor for that).

At times TA will help if hes on time. If not, then I set the table and do last minute clearing of stuffs before the call for prayers begins at 7.16pm. By 7.45pm -  TA will be out of the door to the mosque for the magrib prayers and I will clear the table, dump the crockery and utensils in the sink and rush back to check on my work and email for another hour. In the mean time RA would be playing with his iPad. I will then call on him - get him to do one or two exercise on Tamil alphabets. He will be happy when hes done and I will be relived when hes done. Then back to my email and skype clearing the issues that I was not able to during the day. Then once TA comes back from this night prayers -  i will log off the pc and clear the kitchen, wash the mountain of dirty dishes, do the laundry, clean the house, feed dinner for RA, feed milk and medicine for RA get him to sleep and then shower and sleep.

All the while what TA does is go to mosque, eat and sleep. 

I m not blaming him -  and I am not accusing him. Hes worked hard too and he comes home to rest. Where do I go to rest? The idea of having a helper in the house to do the domestic work is interesting and nice - but I have had horrible experience in it. I would leave the house as messy as it is rather than have a helper to ruin my savings. I cannot manage helpers - I m lousy at that. So I m not good at it. So lets leave it.

Hubby will never lift finger to help around the house - so leave that as well.

Thankfully -  my tenant Satya -  does the cleaning of the kitchen since she cooks most of the time. And I am very grateful and thankful for that. Unlike the other tenants I had who were more self centred, Satya is very selfless. Innocent and cute and shes such a kindred person to talk and be with. She clears up the mess at the kitchen and even volunteers to help.
Thankfully with her around -  I don't have much to worry about either -  thanks Satya.

So can a woman have it all? This seems to be a very hot topic in the internet. If I have nothing to do - I will be bored. But why can't women have it all? Can a woman be in upper management position doing extremely time consuming work and look after the family as well? And I don't mean having a helper and all.

Actually this insight came about just last night. RA had this small ulcer like pimple on this lips and its nothing to be worried about or anything. This is related to heat in the body -  and it will go if hes hydrated. And when I point it out to the father, he told me to take care of Raihaan and that my work is not that important. He said that my work is not that important to neglect our son.

When he said that -  I have absolutely no idea what to say. I know I m overworking -  but it wasn't like this for the past 3 years I was working there. He was fine with it. Kids get sick all the time an RA is in the day care. I didn't want to explain my self to him or my reasons to him. I felt bad -but i know he will come to say this one day or another.

You see -  what hurts me is that I work hard to keep the house clean enough for a child to live and grow. I do all the things every mother does -  checking on my boy, cleaning his stuffs, clothes, toys, beddings, him, his food, medicine and his education and play time. I take care of my son and the father as well. I mind all this. I am the minder of my house, and I am doing a good job out of it. And to me -  nothing is more important than my child. I studied and took my degree while maintaining a family -  wouldn't i know how to handle this phase of my work now?

I guess what women want is to be some one who is respected, revered, held at a high esteem and at the same time feared, at the place of work, while at the same time be in the midst of family and children and be there at every step of their life , never missing a second of their growing up life.

I must become either a Nattamai's wife or a warlord's wife.

Being a Queen in a middle class life in a middle class HDB flat...I don't think I can have it all.

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