Another Child and adoption
After a long break, we were able to go for a walk at the park near our house. Hubby was complaining about his growing paunch and blaming it on me and my cooking. So I suggested we go for 60 min walk around the park while the kid runs himself tired at the same time.
So off we went - after a quick dinner ( chicken noodle soup). I discovered a zig zag path for runners and serious walkers - and after two rounds of walking - hubby wanted to rest. Cannot blame him, he hasn't stepped foot on his treadmill for ages now. So we sat somewhere near the playground where we can watch Raihaan play and talked. Its during times like these - issues that are complicated seem light enough to talk about.
We talked about having another child.
It might seem that that's what I have been talking above for the past 6 years ( you can check my blog - its 6 years) But nothing seem to materialize. Hubby admits that he think he will not be able to match another kid's stamina if we go about having another one. He shudders to think about the endless medical checkups, and shopping he has to go through with me.
And so - though hes not exactly against another child, hes not totally into it as well. But both of us do admit that our son needs a friend who he can bond with over the years and not be alone. I am not saying that Raihaan is growing into a selfish boy, but he is showing the traits of it. Maybe I have spoilt him. I am not sure yet. But he sure looks pitiful when he plays around with little kids, helping them, and then being upset that they have gone home.
Hubby talked about adoption. Someone he knows at work is in the process of adopting a child and hubby wonders about it. This again - I have discussed with him for a very long time ( on and off), but he has concluded time and time again - that adoption is out. Reason is because adopted kids are not close to their parents or family and they are usually different. For that reason both me and my hubby are different from our parents and family members. We are different - so does that make us adopted? No matter how much I have wished I was adopted or switched wrongly at birth - the truth is - I am my mother's. No need to go far. We are so much alike physically. Same goes to hubby too. Both of us have wished we were switched at birth and our real ultra rich parents have the wrong dysfunctional kid and would come looking for us. But we know we are not.
But then what about the kids who do not have parents? Would they not want someone to rescue them too? Just because they did not come out from me , does that make me hard to love another child?
I know we will have more kids, and I know it for sure. But does it have to be out from me? It could be someone else's child. I know we are able to give so much more - and why should a child be deprived of it just because it was not born to me? Why should some one else's baby suffer loneliness and be thrown about foster care after foster care without being really cared enough?
I checked out some adoption websites - they are not very helpful in the least. I think no one adopts in Singapore at all. My mother seem to have a standard response every time I talk about adoption:
"What nonsense? You are healthy. You gave birth once. You can do it again. Lose your weight".
The attitude that adopted kids are trouble and therefore should not be considered is a mental idea and it reflects narrow mindedness at its peak. You adopt because you want to protect, care and love a helpless child. If your objective as a biological parent is to protect,care and love your own child till its old enough to fend for itself and have a family - then why should adoption be any different? I don't get it. You want a child to ensure birth line ( at the basic) but at the same time, its natural to love. You need to love don't you?
I know there are people who don't think having a child or an extension of them really important. They can made do without them. In fact - they are happier without a child.
That I agree. But I am talking about the common people who have the need for a family of their own. I am very common. Too common in fact. I need to love and have a complete family. I don't think there's an issue with that.
You see - I have always known what I wanted.
- marriage at 25
- first child at 30
- a university degree by 30
- three kids by 35
- have a nice hubby and family
Basically that's what I knew I wanted when I was in my early twenties. I may have missed a few years here and there and maybe married a different guy than to who I planned this out with ( who doesn't) - but I had what I wanted. I am grateful - truly am.
And I know my house will be full of kids. Three of them maybe four. I don't know. But it does not have to be from me and hubby's. My house and heart is big enough to accept any child who needs not only a parent, but also a friend, guide, protector, teacher and a big brother.
So future child of mine ( not my grandchild - must be specific since the Universe has a way with what you want) where ever you are - I am here ( u know the address - the Universe provides the address don't worry) waiting for you. I am ready to accept the mindless and irritating 9 months of pregnancy and painful and excruciating post pregnancy for the next few years so that I can hold you in my arms - and maybe carry you in that baby carrying thing ( in case my back hurts). Or any child that comes to me in an express way manner ( adopted) - trust me - you will be loved.
I will love, protect and guide you along with your brother and father. I will also make sure no one tries to be funny with you. I will make sure I will protect you from myself even if I have to. I will slay all your dragons and keep you safe. If you are a girl, I will be there for you during your heartbreaks ( and kill those bastards who broke your heart) and if you a boy, I will be there for you cheering and making the loudest noise when you are playing soccer or any boyish games that suits you and support you in your decision in finding the right girl and stand by you when you are heartbroken ( I will spew so much venom to that slut's parents, they will immigrate back to whichever third world country they came from).
Like I said- I am very normal, very common.