I have morphed!?
Happy Holi people!
No I don't celebrate it. I don't have the intention of getting myself wet and being colored. I sort of knew it must be Holi when the grassroots people organised a holi celebration at our void deck with popular hindi songs and people weeing since 10am in the morning. I am not complaining - I have been dancing and cooking in the kitchen. Oh now as I type this, they have my favorite song from Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Gum on ( Lajja Lajja). What beautiful memories it brings!! And not only that - i met lot of red coloured people when I was in Sentosa yesterday too.
I heard the school holidays has started. Again- I heard this because my nephew was happily telling me that they will be at West Coast for the next week - so he must be having holiday. Raihaan - nope. Normal schooling.
So TA and I brought the kids to Sentosa - thinking it will be nice and beautiful and the kids will have so much fun. Well - the kids had fun. It was not that nice standing the whole time guarding the kids in the hot sun. I forgot that it was a weekend and Sentosa - a tourist spot. How I forgot that is beyond my understanding - but I forgot. So after lunch at the kids friendly McDees - we took the train to Sentosa and alighted at the beach. After dressing down to simple clothes - they were in the water and on the sand. TA took refuge under the shade of bikini bar and stayed there the entire time. And as I said - I was standing guard the whole time making sure the the boys do not venture further into the water.
Being a weekend, there were so many people at the beach and they also had some sort of Holi celebration nearby. Lots of North Indian foreigners and I think locals too - were drunk, getting wet ( water was hosed down to the dancing adults) and colours thrown at them. There were ang mohs too and they were dancing and having fun. And in the water - there were ang moh kids - all from the ages of 10 - 16 playing and having fun. I was quite surprised actually - for all the pre teen girls were in colourful bikinis. I am sorry - but to be blunt - they had no fucking breasts at all and why the fuck were they dressed in such a way I have no idea. When my boys were on the beach building some sort of tower ( too young to build clever engineered sand castles), I observed the girls. Their actions, the way they talk, they way they re act to boys - it was beyond they age! They behave as if they are 16 and 17! I just couldn't believe it.
There were so many conflicting thoughts in me the whole day.
Lets not talk about what we did yesterday - lets not even talk about the scantily dressed girls in the beach. Lets talk about my mentality.
Is it wrong of me to think that the girls were not dressed well? Or am I being narrow in my thoughts?
Am I being a narrow minded person when I see people who do not conform to the way I was brought up and am I quick to judge people?
When I presented my thoughts to TA, he said I was being narrow minded. He saw the kids too - and he didn't think anything was wrong because it was a case of culture. Now - people who had little to nothing to on their body accuse women who cover - I really think some thing is wrong here. Did I become narrow minded because I started covering my head? Or is it because I felt protective of my little kids who were there on the beach and had to be exposed to mild form of human skin exposure from the people who had little to nothing in their so called culture? Why the hell am I disturbed?
I have seen bikini clad women and its not my first time. I have to admit - I think everyone loves to see women in bikini. But there must a certain age limit to who can don it. We certainly do not want obese women like me in it and its a waste of time seeing anorexic women with bones jutting out in it. Have you been to a swimming pool and seen little kids wear them? Well - that's acceptable cos all they have are pudgy, mushy fleshy things...they are cute on them too. But it becomes something else, when pre teen girls, who are in the cusp of being a woman wear it. Am I narrow minded when I think like that? When I see pre teen girls parading themselves in like that - I feel the unwanted gaze from men. I am a mother and I feel one kind when I see young kids dressed like that.
I understand that its hot and you need to let the steam go and expose some skin here and there - wear a spaghetti strap and a shorts or something - still the same effect, only that you will not be gazed, or stared at by some guys who are actually thinking something else.
So am I being the typical Indian Muslim mother to think like that? Or has finally the Indian Muslim mentality entered my thick skull? The mentality to judge others, the mentality to speak ill of other non Muslim people, the mentality to think others as inferiors....have I become all that?
Some of you may be offended by bringing in the Indian Muslim angle in to this picture and you may have never been through this angle at all - but honestly - I am sorry - that mentality exists and I have personally seen those type of people. Have you not seen other aunties asking you questions that is actually none of their business? Have you not had people who ask you questions that makes you feel like saying something back at them to shut them up? Yeah - I have and lucky are those who have not gone through them. I have seen all these from the so called friends and relatives.
Lets talk about those people some other time, but have I morphed into them? By being married to an Indian Muslim from India - have I become one of them? Verdict from the Husband - yes I have. I am judging people without knowing.
Oh the horror when I heard that! Since when did I become one of Them?
Its ironic to see that once I got married, my hubby has become more Singaporean and Me, more Indian.
TA never had the Indian mentality - he was more open minded and generally had more 'Spine' than the so called men there and here too. He has one vice and thats his family back home and I have no issues with it.
Anyway - I am looking into this new attitude of mine - and I hope to be more careful and sensitve in my thinking of people who are different than me.
I got to go - Ciao.