Raihaan's new bed and new musings
Raihaan's bed arrived. Raihaan's reaction was not what I expected when he saw his bed for the first time. It was a simple " Seriously?!". He did say he loved it later on. So that's the summary of the bed - he loves it and he's now officially sleeping alone in his own bed in his own room. So that means hubby and I have our own bed back!!! Both of us feel kind of sad that he's on his own, I feel guilty too...he's on his own with no one to talk to and no conversations to listen to and no more snuggling close to me or hubby at night. I miss feeling his breath on my skin when he sleeps - but he has to grow up and we need to make room for the next child - hopefully.
Next - TA has had some opportunities to work in Melbourne, Australia and he is seriously contemplating working there. What that means is that we will have to shift to Mel for a while. I am not so excited about that prospect. Though I have been wanting to live in another country ( not India) ever since I graduated from poly years ago - I somehow do not find the idea of living in another country. Its not just Australia, I am talking about leaving to any other country. You can say that maybe I am so used to living in one place - change is scary. Well - that is one idea. But that is not the pressing issue. Its my mum.
My mum thinks...well not only my mum - my hubby and everyone thinks that my Mum needs me. My mum thinks that I am her support and that she can call on me anytime she wants when she needs help for example like shopping and hospital visits. My sis is so busy and her time is fully stretched its really unfair of anyone of us to expect her to accompany mum to her hospital trips. She has to drag all three of her young kids all the way from Punggol to the West. It will really tire her kids, if not her. But its not Mum I am worried about. Mum will be okay. She has seen and been though worst, me leaving her will not kill her. I am just worried about living in another country without my Mum. I have ever been in India for a month without mum - but I knew I will be back - I had a certain date to be back. But I m not sure if I can settle down in Mel for 5 or more years without my mother's support. OMG...I such a baby am I not? Goodness! I have had this dark feeling within me ever since TA talked about his job in Mel and I am resisting..not as in having a strike or arguments at home - just as subtlety as I can. It is also unfair to TA and his career if I am the obstacle, but I really have my doubts. Somehow TA also figured out that it will be tough for me in MEL since I will have no one there and it will starting everything from scratch. I will be like those South Indian Expat Nightie ladies I so often comment about.
TA, Raihaan, my mum and dad, sis and her kids are the only people I have in my close circle and not much people are there in my so called circle. The rest of the friends are somewhere in the virtual world of FB and i have no issues there. My friends all have their own life and being in different location - brings about the distance. No qualms about that. But I will be alone there. Will I end up being like my mum too as she was when she first came to Singapore? Worried. Very. I discussed this option to Mum and she was upset too and it didn't help much when she rephrased about me leaving to Mel as me leaving her all alone. Seriously Mummy - you are not helping me at all. So now if everything goes well according to TA's plan - he will have to start work in the first week of Jan next year. I will not be following yet. My excuses - need to settle my credit card debts so I have asked him to stay without me for at least 12 months. I need to settle all those bills and I can do that if I have work.
It makes sense actually. If I don't work in Mel, there's no money to settle my debts and if I do go to work who's going to look after Raihaan? So if TA is indeed going to Mel to work, he will have enough time to look for a nice apartment to stay which is near to his work place and near a good school where Raihaan can start his primary school. And I will have enough time to mentally prepare myself for a life without my mum and also prepare mum for the time she will not be seeing Raihaan. I will have time to prepare packing, shifting and arranging the logistics of moving my stuffs to Mel and renting out our whole flat. I was kind of not prepared to leave all my beloved furniture here - but TA said that I was attached to materials here and I should learn to be detached since nothing is permanent. I remembered Allah and then I realized he was right.
Oh why am I such a wussy? So bloody melodramatic and emotional. Oh I wish Allah could help me with this small dilemma I have. If only Mum could follow us and help us settle and then come back within months. If only mum was not that stubborn.