Dynamics of Life

Its been a while hasn't it? I know.

I don't want to go on and on about my life since the time i last wrote the last post till today -  cos there's absolutely a lot to write - but then its my life and I choose not to blog about it today.
I m in the zone again - where I m lost in my world of assignment deadlines, messed up rooms, stinky kitchen, long overdue laundry and late night dinners at Al Barakats. I am pretty sure once this is all over -  I will be back to the woman I was. But I m not interested to be the woman I was. What was I?

I don't know what i was before -  but i think my life was and is beautiful and I like it this way. No changes.
The decisions, the roads taken, the mistakes, the regrets, the laughter, the drama -  everything. No regrets. Every single missed opportunity - brings about some blessings in disguise and I note with awe that it takes me time to understand this simple analogy that times makes everything ok.

I took a very very long time to understand they dynamics of life and the people around me. I took an equally long time to understand someone else and truth be told -  I am still in the process of trying ( the art of understanding is not complete here) -  me. I m looking out for the real me. Its different when I say that I m a nice person - I am a so and so person -  cos that's what I was labelled as and I live according to that script that was written by someone about me. So I be nice -  but I m not.
And I know I m not. I don't go around giving alms to the people in wheelchair who sell 5 packets of tissue paper for a dollar.

Why the sudden philosophy you may ask? Well I don't have the intention to micro blog my every intention, every moment, every food I eat, every cute shots I take with my camera phone and announce it to the world. I am done with that. I am not sure what I was trying to achieve -  but I am done with it. The FB, Instagram, twitter, and other micro blogging sites -  that has people churning out pictures of themselves and their families, their thoughts, their complaints - their everyday nuances - I m not bothered with it anymore. So what if you are moving house? I don't give a damn-  but of course some one does. So what if there was a party and everyone i know was there, but I wasn't invited -  well truth be told -  feel bad a little - like maybe 10% that I didn't matter -  but then when I come out of the box -  I realize life goes on. These social network sites are interesting at first -  cos they allowed me to see what the rest of the people I know were up to. Then came the pictures I was interested to see, and the pictures I wanted the rest of the world to see.

It was a simple act of dis associating myself that brought me back to my senses or so. I came out of FB. Focused on my exams...when the exams were over -  I went back in again. Nothing changed. The same people, the same pics, the same events. Its good to see my network still there - but hardly any changes. And then just like that -  I lost interest.  Don't know why. Should try that on food - maybe I will lose the weight!

I am going to turn 34 this year. Actually if I get this right -  when I blow the candles of the cake this year ( if anyone bothers to get me a cake that is) -  I would have blown the 34th year away and welcoming in the 35th.  35 years of being in this world.  My hubby's and son's birthdays just went by -  and as mentioned -  its my blog -  so its about my upcoming birthday - not about them today. Anyway Raihaan's birthday was very quiet -  did not come up with the party i planned - i just lost the mood for it with the work and school. Later about that in some other posts...hopefully will make it up sooner or later.

So back to my birthday -  I m starting my 35th year soon in about a week or so. Not excited yet ( assignments deadline like in 48 hours!!)..but I m thinking about making it special. Not wasting it away or something with food and holidays ( though - its not such a bad idea), but doing something special. Make someone happy, or do something good. Something -  that is worth the years I have been living. I am not sure of what, but will soon work it out. What have i become to? I am not sure. But I hope I end up being someone who brought warmth and happiness in a person's heart when they think of me.

Me and Raihaan celebrating his dad's bday at Hyatt

Raihaan on his 5th birthday

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