Tick tock tick tock!

Its another twenty minutes to four am and I just completed half of my revision for my web design paper tomorrow evening. I should be going to bed, but the reason why I mentally prepared and geared myself to write this post in the morning is because I realized that my favorite month of the year is ending soon!!! I love March because its my birthday month. No other special reason.

On my gosh, how fast the days speed by and I know I keep saying that, but its the truth! March is almost gone, the new tenants will move in another 2 more days,Somi ( Mdm Paramas's daughter) will be married in the first week of April and official degree school will start in May. I am sure April will whiz me by too.

I am always reminded on the time ticking by whenever I see my son's face. How fast he has grown! I just cannot believe it. Hes my closest buddy now and hes also my boy. He calls me his girl and somehow I like it when he calls me that. I know Raihaan yearns for a playing companion and I know I m a lousy playmate, I just wish I could give him a baby bro or sis and ease his dis comfort. The stories my kid yarns and the things he does, all of them are just reminders for me. My son is growing at an ever alarming rate. I have this preset notion in my mind that hes still a baby and every new thing he does, is something special and funny to me. But when am I ever going to realize that my baby is no longer the baby he was but a boy, or man in time to come? Will I be able to let him go and live his own life, after taking care of him? I of course do not want to be like the rest of the earlier generations who place heavy burdens on the sons to provide for them and all. But will I be able to be the mother he wants me to be? And will I be able to accept whatever decisions he make in his future with regards to his family? Will i be able to live away from him? I have seen my mother cope in life without me and my sis and I think though she knew the day will come when she will be alone, but did not practically think that we will be gone so soon.

I have no answers for those questions. But as I grow older and I see older people, I tell myself that my time is near and I will join the list of the aging society soon. It gives me some kind of deep rooted mortal fear within me and honestly speaking it really does. I just shrug my shoulder and keep that thought deep within me. I cannot think 10 or 20 years from now. I just do not want to. I just feel that death is nearer every time the day ends and begins. I don't know if I should be afraid of it or something, but I just do not want to think about it. Maybe I am in denial. I don't know.

Anyway, no matter how life turns out, I am sure Allah will be there since its my belief that He will not let me go through anything I cannot handle so I go on about my life hoping and praying that I live yet another day to see my son and family grow.

Got to sleep, really really tired.
Ciao.




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