What kind of life is this?
Empty and void.
Filling it with materials didn't work.
Having a child didn't work.
Something escapes me when I try to look for it and I have no idea what it is I m looking for.
Something that fills my heart.
Somthing that makes me smile.
That Something is missing.

I see couples hold hands, kissing and sharing secrets.
Am I that old to look at it and reminiscence about it?
Am I that old to actually try to remember how it used to feel like?
Am I that old to actually curse them inside and be sarcastic?

What did I want?
What did I expect?
What was I looking for?
Did I find that Something or is that something still elusive?
I don't know.
I don't know or I do not want to know?

Did I leave anything out?
Did I leave any relationships undone?
Did I leave any work incomplete?
Did I hurt anyone really bad?

Why is it that I cannot smile?
Maybe I have lived too long
So when will I be called?
Hope not long, cos I am tired.
Maybe then that Something will come to me.
And then there will be smiles all round again....who knows?

A terrible poem thought by me when I was making chapathi......

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