I was in my darkest mood last night, hence the very negative and dark post. I am not going to hide that post -  let that be. You cannot hide who you are for very long.

Anyway, I just finished a very late breakfast ( tea without milk and bread) to sooth my throat. Having a milk throat pain at the moment, which will trigger my asthma if I don't treat it right.  My in-laws had crumbled chapathi ( which i think they didn't like). Lunch is in another 3 hours later and I have to start cooking shortly after this post. Busy me.

So I was thinking of my genetic makeup. What am I made up of?  I don't have an idea what my great grand parent's names are from both my maternal and paternal side, so I have no idea how to understand me. Its just what the movie ( 7am Arivu) said -  we have to know our identity to be proud of ourselves. If we are not proud of who we are, we cannot expect others to like us or know who we are. We will become imageless i assume.

My mother's side -  well from what I have seen and learnt from my mother and her family -  they are a bunch of strong women. Strong, emotional,stubborn, arrogant and very hardworking. Major traits in the women. Men -  same I think. The only two men I have known in my mum's side passed away at such young age -  I am not sure what they major traits are. But there are another two more males -  my cousins -  and I am not so close to them to understand that myself. They are emotional and strong.

My dad -  I don't know any good stuffs about them. Sly, weak, unstable. I was told that my grandmother ( dad's mother) married thrice. I think it was pretty common around that time for all these to happen. I think my grandmother must have been a first or second generation Indian born to a Indian immigrant. I need to check on that. I know my dad is a 2nd generation Indian since his dad was from India. That makes me third and Raihaan -fourth. I am somehow not sure about that.

Let me see.

Naina Mohammad -> Salim Rahim-> Nathira Salim -> Raihaan Ansari

I m not sure of my grandfather's parentage and that's where my research stops.  But in each of the name, except for Raihaan -  they are all married to a foreigner.  Grand dad ( Foreigner) - married local woman. Daddy ( local) married foreigner (Indian). Me ( Local) married foreigner ( Indian). It seems that my line has not lost the Indian touch since each one of my generation has an Indian influence in it.We have not become Malays, or spoken Malay. After I married -  the Indian influence has become stronger and not weak since we speak Tamil and Malayalam at home and Raihaan is speaking Tamil well ( better than his Singaporean peers).

What brought about the change or say evolution of the Indian traditions and customs?

For one - the Indian exodus here was mainly due to the East Indian establishment in Singapore. Indians being the slaves of Britain at that time ( I will not say slave -  but somehow under their rule and governance) came to look for work and possibly a new life here. Before they came here -  they may have escaped from certain  lifestyles here. With no social rules, the immigrants set up the rules themselves. They married local women, adopted local culture and soon certain traditions or cultures ( way of life) was changed or adjusted. So the actual customs and traditions died when they intermarried or converted to another religion.

I have noticed that in the local indian women here. They look kinda weird and odd themselves. I have seen local indian girls who are Indian by all standards. They pray, they follow certain cultures and dress codes ( churidar, saree) and even marry in the traditional way. Have you seen the women who dress themselves like the westerners, color and style their hair? The way they speak is totally different. Its as if trying to hide that they are Indians. The North Indians -  no matter how Westernized they are -  they seem to protect their culture and identity with various traditional games and festivals, whereas the South Indians here -  do away with all those. The only thing so South Indian that I know is the Pongal festival, the Firewalking festival and Deepavali. Even that word has become Northern. I have not read well enough to know what the local indians are celebrating and I should start asking my friends about it. I should be well informed about all these before I comment on these....must be responsible with all these sensitive cases. Well check on that and write more on that later.

But this is interesting. I love history and I am interested in my own history, not just for those terrible and controversial events, but in all. You see - my mum told me that my uncle Majid used to be a different man a lifetime ago. I was shocked, but then, this is history. A person who's someone now, who used to be someone totally different ages ago. Like my sister -  who was a stunner and absolute beauty( she still is) - who was someone a life time ago who is now totally different now.

That's what history does to you -  it surprises you when you least expect it.

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