When I am dead....

I am having those once in a while peaceful "me" moments at home. I just finished " Season of the Witch' and now blogging with my living room curtains fully drawn, dark and cozy. All before Raihaan wakes up. We are going to the movies later in the evening to watch 'Johnny English' at jurong point. Tickets been booked already, just waiting for Raihaan to wake up from his afternoon nap.

I have been thinking. What is it like when you are dead? Why are people afraid of the unknown? I visualized myself In a hospital bed couple of months from now, dying, holding my hubby's hands and making peace with everyone I know. Then in our private moments, as I await my death, I say my final words. Then what happens? I would have done my fair share of crying already. So, then my time is up. What happens? I closed my eyes last night and thought about it for a while. Will it be painful? Will I be gasping for air? What?

 I think, in my opinion is that, as I say my goodbyes, everything around me will go dark, as in when all the lights in the room are switched off. I may hear what's going on around me for a while, maybe seconds, and then, everything will end. Total darkness. Emptiness. No pain,no nothing. When I thought of the darkness, I felt scared, but then shouldn't I be feeling anything but peace? So I am conscious but in the dark. All alone. I have heard that in my religion, we do not believe in after life. One life is all you got and then when your time is done, you wait till the day of judgement when you are called. That's where we will be judged for the time we lived in earth. That's the gist. So I assume, I will remain conscious forever in darkness with ni one around me until I am called. That's one theory.

 Let's consider another theory. Majority of the world religions believe in the next life. Reincarnation and stuffs like that. Indians believe in that mostly. They have another word for that, and it's called karma. So if I go by that formula, the scenario should be like this: when I am saying my finally bye byes, I notice suddenly that I am no longer in the bed, but standing next to my husband who's weeping beside my dead body. The soul expires and one I'm suddenly out of my body. I don't think I would start to float or anything like that. But I guess, I will have some divine knowledge thrusted in me once I'm dead that I will be allowed to roam and visit people I love for forty days until I am called for my judgment day. So that's when I loiter and roam around my mum, hubby and son and then probably my sister and then all the ex boyfriends and hopefully scare them in the process. Once the fortieth day is over - I should see a divine never before seen light. I of course would move to it since I should be able to see all my deal relatives there who'd been waiting for me. Once I'm there,wherever I might be, I guess I would find myself in a 2 or 3 year old kid's body. I dunno.

 There are many theories surrounding the mysteries of death. I have been curious about it for a very long time. Many movies have depicted that souls will roan restlessly until whatever they achieve what they had not done when they were not alive. There have been plenty of Indian movies about revengeful, blood thirsty, raped women's souls coming back to avenge their death, or avenge those who killed them, or caused their tragic death or etc. Many many movies. There's been romantic notions about death too. I remember one Aishwarya and shah rukh movie where Aishwarya appears as a soul since she committed suicide. Only SRK could see her till the very end. Very romantic, but hardly helps anyone.

 I keep thinking what a person will think when he's dead after been hit by a drunk driver. Will he come and avenge or just pass the light? How are we judged then? I seriously don't want to think about the judgement day part. I have heard very scary stories about heaven and hell and the pregotary. Does not make dying any easier does it? What about those who somehow find the will to take their lives? People who can end the life given to them? What happens when they hit the ground, or killed by the poison they consumed, or expired because they hanged? What happens? Popular belief is that they will not be given another chance to be born. Instead these souls are condemned. They are never allowed to go to heaven or hell, instead, they remain as restless souls for eternity.

 I think Islam has very severe punishment for such souls, but I am not sure. I do remember reading a Buddhist book about death. They believe strongly in karma. You do good in this life, you will be given human form in your next. If not, you will be sent to live as animals, insects or slugs, or corals. I think corals are worst, but then again, I am not so sure. There are Hindus who believe that being Brahmin is the most highest form of human living and that they should be proud of their birthright. Arrogant bastards they have been and still are. As far as I'm concerned, or believe, or been brought up to believe that everyone or anything that lives deserves respect and dignity. Just because they are not born Brahmins or Muslims, they are not second class. The class and caste system is so old fashioned and they deserve to be totally abolished together with our TV tax! Anyway deep thoughts about death. Will write more details about my observation on life in general. I have been reading a book from Victore Frankl, it made me think a lot. A very good book, will write more about it when I get my next insight moment and hour.

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