I went to Bedok today, spent 20 minutes on a comfortable couch ,comforting my ass and then to leave within  minutes of realising that nothing could be done to our server at work because we didn't have the server key. $20 wasted. That's life isn't it?

What is life anyway? Its what we make out of it. We are the directors of our own life. We choose, we decide and we follow everything. Nothing actually was made out for us. Well maybe in the beginning it was. But time has changed and order has changed. I realize that women have come a long way from the early ages. Not to leave the Man out -  yeah he too made vast improvements in evolution process. But what we don't actually grasp is that we actually are in charge of our life- past, present and future.

You see, I was told that though we are free to choose our actions, we cannot choose the consequences of that action, which is pretty much true. So, we act according to the Voice in us. Have you all heard the Voice talking to you? I am sure many of us have. When I was young -  young as 4 years old, I remember being curious about the 'Voice' in me.  I was sure there was something wrong with me so I didn't tell this to anyone. But later on, I realized that the Voice itself was the soul or what someone will say your 'Conscience'. It speaks when your lips don't move.

I was told, that the Voice keeps telling you what you do not want to hear. You want an example? Well lets say you stole a teeny weeny bit of pocket money from your mum or dad -  and somehow pretended that you didn't. Nothing happens. Over the course of time, usually the following day -  guilt comes and then the voice. It speak in low low tone, no one can hear, but then it eventually becomes louder. You try to stifle it, you try to think positive, or distract your mind away from it. But it just does not go away. You will keep hearing the voice ' You stole. You sin. You stole'. You know that kind of thing.

So the voice in us is actually some kind of judgmental device that God has put in us. Some people have it in low frequency - meaning -  they will only hear the voice once the Deed has been done ( no matter what it may be- lies, cheat, adultery, murder,). Some even before, which then make doing the Deed even more difficult, or may to some extend -  failure of carrying out the deed.

We happen to be high up on the Animal chain, which I think should be just after the apes or lions, ( exactly which one - I am not sure), but obviously since we happen to Reason, we are above Animals in this aspect. Animals cannot reason they say. But I guess, it doesn't take a NASA scientist to know that humans have proven that they can become animals and less than that. Its obvious when you go through history.  ( Do I have to remind you of Hitler for this?).

What are humans not capable of? We are all capable of everything. We just have not harnessed the complete power of our one has at the moment.

I came across a Malay taxi driver today on my way to Bedok -  a very cheerful one. Very simple man, who does not know how to use the SMS function in his old Nokia phone ( the one that does not have Carl Zeiss lens, much less a camera, radio, internet or even a speaker). He finds technology scary -  but claims that  technology, especially computers are intelligent and that computers make no mistakes. I had to correct him. Computers make no mistake because the man ( human) programs it accordingly. Computers are merely our slaves. They make our lives, living easier. Nothing more or less. Technology is evolving too....but at an alarming rate. I m sure the technology has surpassed what we are seeing now,its just we are only seeing the gist of it in real life. Somewhere, someone has the peak of technology in his or her fingertips, and its releasing bits and bits of them to us so that we can get used to it slowly.

As such, going back to my topic about life -  our lives are  the many chapters in a book. Or the many scenes in a movie. Once the book has been read -  you close the book and maybe read a new one. Once a life passes on to give way to a new one, everything about our world remains unchanged. Our nature, our environment -  I think remains unchanged.But then are we ready for a change in our life? Will you be able to handle another Holocaust or World War? Will you be able to go through a life where you are treated way below like a dog, without your clothes on? Will you be able to live with dignity? Who are you without your family, money, job, status, career or clothes? Are you based on all these or are you someone? I see people in Singapore complaining about something everyday in their lives. If its not about the transportation, its about the pungent smell that comes from the Indian neighbour's curry. But can an average Singaporean survive another war? Can he live without whatever he has? Lets not go into domestic, lets talk general. Is anyone really ready for the day when whatever they have is completely gone? Their house destroyed by shells, their children killed in the cross fire, their parents killed or gassed, their wives raped and killed....

Sad to say -  this scenario is happening somewhere right now as I pen this, and I am grateful that its not happening to me at the moment. I am grateful, not happy. It could have been me. That's life.Very very fragile.

Its what we make out of it. Yes we mess it up too. We make mistakes and mess the outcome, but it usually results in something positive. It has to since everything happens for a reason and I truly believe that nothing is coincidental or accidental.

Being alive is something that we have to be happy about. You have your clothes on? Be happy. You have a shelter for you and your family? Be happy. Are you and your family having three or more meals a day? Be grateful. Are you walking somewhere without pain and ache? Be thankful. Are you not paralyzed  and stuck in bed being a vegetable when your soul yearns to get out? Be very thankful. Just days ago a colleague commented that I don't look so appealing without my makeup on since there were eye bags around my eyes. My first thought - "thank god I still have a face and thank god I still can see'. As long as I can see, I don't care about any bags or luggage around my eyes. I am not saying anything bad about her -  she just commented generally -  but that's what came into my mind.

I realize that whenever I wake up -  I become grateful that I can move my arms and legs. Though I don't say my thanks to Allah in Arabic, I always thank him in my heart. I know it sounds weird when I pen all these, but when you grow older, when you pass the phase in life when you are no longer yearning for another person's affection or approval, or trying to win someone's love, or getting the promotion or achieving the pay rank or getting that house or material things  -  you no longer want those. You just want contentment. And that's what I want. Being content with what I have. But are you?

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