Updates i forgot to update

There are some things that happened in the last few months that i had no time to blog over here. First of all - my uncles somehow became homeless. Dean Kochappa with his brilliant mind somehow got he and his family homeless. He also managed to get Majid K's CPF signed over to him.

Anyway all the Ks stayed over at my place whilst Jasheela stayed over at my mum's.
I had no trouble with my Ks. They were so nice here at home, they helped me with all the housework here. I was almost wishing that they would not go away so fast. But somehow - due to Rabeena's handiwork - they managed to get a place to stay at MCYS.
But it seems that Jasheela cannot stay with her parents at the place provided by MCYS. So she had to stay put at my mum's place.

Shes of course not too happy staying there, but no ones happy that shes there too. As far as i know - shes the only dumbest person at her age...now that's according to my mum and sis. I just find her plain boring.

Anyway - TA's best friend from India - Bals is here in town. He will be staying here till his work ends. Hes working as a tester here. Think he will be here till Mar end. His wife and young son will join him somewhere on the 25th of this month.

The next tenant to join our so called hotel cum house is my BIL. He will be joining us on the 15th of this month - that's according to TA. He will be staying in the guest room - where we will get the sofa cum bed for him.

Again - TA's lack of control over his finances is making me really angry. I m not sure how he spent his money - but there's obviously none now. We were planning Raihaan's birthday in the morning - when TA asked if we could just have the birthday small and simple within the family. He will then transfer the funds to Raihaan's trust fund. I was damn pissed-cos if I was working - I would have celebrated his birthday as i did the last year. Well - that's me. TA gave me the " This month will be tight" speech... and i was like..." Tell me something I don't know" reply.

Another sad news...it seems that Prema is down with H1N1 flu. We were supposed to be at Prema's place today - but Normi's message mentioned that it was cancelled due to her flu. I will message Prema and check on her by tomorrow.

More updates:

Rabeena is due to deliver her 2nd child anytime. I m waiting. I know its a girl. Mum and Rabeena are now talking. That's kinda relief to me.

I m kinda worried about the physical changes in my body. For the last few weeks, I have been having a pain on my lower right area just above the pelvic bone. I m not sure if there's something wrong in my ovaries or something. I think i m having my periods. I 'think' because there's inconsistent bleeding for the past 2 weeks. My periods do not go on for more than 3 days...but i have been having alternate bleeding for the past 2 weeks. I cannot remember the day it started.. been meaning to note it down.

Also- i have lost 70percent of my hair. I really look terrible. I cannot tie my hair up - cos there's nothing to tie. Its just like wasps of dry hair you know? I am sad that i have lost my hair - but I am not sure what caused the loss. I think it might be my diet, cos i hardly eat veges on a daily basis ever since i got married. I am seriously thinking of going bald and cover it with a head scarf. But my folks are worried thinking i will not grow the hair back. Well i dunno too. But i really am so sad to see my scalp clearly through my hair. Its that bad.

Raihaan is...active. He does tire me and i do admit that i sometimes physically hurt him when he does not do what i say. I m trying my very best not to hurt him - but it really makes me mad. My pain at my right sometime causes me to lose my patience.

Things between my mum and me are not going well ever since i became jobless. Shes accusing me of being a hypocrite and conniving because i quit whereas I could have just employed a maid and leave it at my mum's ( just as we had with Thuan). But then - my mum is never happy with the kind of clean up any maid does at her place. And i was losing money just by changing maid. Shes pretty mad with me employing the last 2 tamil speaking maids. My mum seem to think i do things without thinking and with TA controlling my every thoughts. Well in short she thinks that all i ever do is listen to TAwho in turn is brain washing me into bringing his relative from India and letting them stay here in my house.

Why she cares is one thing - but sometimes i feel sad that my mother needs me to serve her.

I feel sad that she did not love herself enough. Situations change. Things do not remain the same as it is. The changes i made were in according to the changes i had faced.

Most importantly - I was tired of working. I was just sick of it. I needed a break. I still do. I cannot be working all my life so that my mother will be okay. She was the source of me working. But i need a break. I will be going back to the work force sometime later - cos yes i need the money and so that my mum will at least be financially free for a while. Anyway no point talking about her.

I know I m not a bad person. I am just the way i am.

Anyway I wanna finish today's blog with the words i read in the book " Scream free parenting". I love this a lot.

..A person operating at the 4th level of love says." I love me, work on me, and build myself up so that I can come to you from a position of wholeness, a position of fullness. I take care of me so that you don't have to. From fullness i can then empty myself, my gifts,my love,my actions,for your ultimate benefit. I am the only one in charge of me, and I am the one ultimately responsible for me and my well being. Therefore, as a steward of my greater gift, my life, I need to take steps to ensure my health, my calmness of mind, my sanity and my own validation as a person in the world. Thus, I can free you from having to provide those things for me. Thus I can truly serve you without needing you to serve me."

I love that last line. I want to be like that. Be responsible to my kid, instead of being responsible for my kid.

That book is a good read for all exhausted parents like me. Good eye opener.


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