It has been sometime since I blogged. I think that I have not blogged since Feb maybe?
I m not sure anymore.

Raihaan’s birthday party was on the agenda the last time I blogged. That was two months ago. Life is ok. Pretty much ok.

In the two months since my In laws came from Chennai – we have brought them out to several places in Singapore. The main attractions have been left out for pay day. May Day is approaching, and I m bringing the whole family to Istana to visit and then perhaps a trip to East Coast. That’s next on the Agenda.

In laws are fine. I was under the impression that they might run back to Chennai within a month - but not bad. They are still here.

My maid - Thuan - somehow managed to misbehave during her time here. She had sex with some Bangladesh worker - got her vagina lacerated, cost me couple of hundred dollars of hospital bills which I m still trying to claim. I have already sent her back home in the 3rd week of March. Since then – my MIL is handling the housework and Raihaan all by herself. I pity her a lot, but it’s difficult to find a Tamil speaking maid and I cannot afford the agency fees for the maid at this moment in time. We are looking around for a part time maid who can clean the house for 3 hours a day – twice a week. Of course, it will not be as how it used to be when Thuan was around. But then I guess its all for good.

Next on the line is our baby making project.

Both me and TA met up with Dr Anna and discussed out options on having another kid. But this time, it may be harder since I m older and more heavier than before.
I started the Metformin, Duphaston and Clomid treatment in March.

I was expecting to conceive on the 1st round of clomid itself, but somehow I got disappointed when I had my menses on the 17th of April. I went for my 2nd round of clomid and follicle monitoring on Monday 27th of April which is my day 12. I was so shocked to find out that my weight ballooned to 98.8kg. I m just 2 kgs short of becoming 100kg heavy!!!!

The doc was more shocked I should say. Dr Anna checked for the eggs, and was somehow not happy. She said that my eggs this time is small and that I should come down for a follow up appointment this coming Thursday late afternoon. But this time she was angry and instructed the nurse that I should be weighed before coming in. If I m still in the 98.8 kg - then I should not be let in.

I was not happy in the least as well. I mean come on! 98 kgs! I was 9 months pregnant when I first hit 98kgs!

TA and I discussed this since I was very much affected on this more than anyone else. The thought of making another baby – just flew out of the window. I was more concerned with the kid I have.
What am I talking about?

Well looking at this scenario -assuming I cannot conceive at all. All I have is Raihaan. Then I must make sure that I must be healthy and strong enough to see him through his life. I must be there for him in every step of his life and achievement. Forget about death and all…that’s for Allah to decide. I mean - only He knows when I must come at His calling. But till then, I must make sure that Raihaan is well protected. He cannot have a sick mom all the time….

If I m this much fat - definitely making baby is difficult. Even if I do get pregnant - I have a 90% chance of having all sorts of pregnancy related complications like gestational diabetes, low blood pressure, pre eclampsia, fat baby and c section delivery and not to mention longer recovery time. And not only that - the health of the baby is to be questioned too.

And I don’t have the intention of dying of obesity related complications. TA feels the same at his end too. He’s putting on too much weight as well.

I have decided to work out as much as I can. Apparently I m not exercising as much as I wanted to.

I m getting the new thread mill this week. We actually paid the advance of SGD100 in December for the machine, but because TA did not get his increment, we did not have enough cash to get the machine. Though it was TA’s idea - he cannot afford it with his commitment and all. So I committed to fork out the remaining SGD600 for the machine.

Also I m skipping dinner altogether. No more rice and food at night. Its going to be fruits and water.

I m enrolling for the yoga class in Ayer Rajah CC. It will be the first step towards something I wanted to do for a long time.


Just came back from lunch.
The thread mill will be delivered to our place on Sun between 2pm to 4pm. It’s been confirmed.

Apart from that, what else have I forgotten to add?

Well my work at Softship is so far so good. The management is giving me new training opportunities and I have given 2 trainings to the people in our office as well as in Ham.

Then there is Raihaan.

I have no idea how to express it in words when I think about Raihaan.
He’s gotten a new personality now. He smiles ever so cutely, and he’s really lovely to look at.

He loves to walk-a-jog. It’s a term I coined because he does both at the same time. He loves to walk –a-jog and squeal at the same time. It’s obvious that he loves music. Its nice to see him smile and squeal and run to us when we come back from work. It’s a real wonder to look at him.

He has a habit of hitting and slapping anyone at anytime. He’s bossy and stubborn. He will cry his heart out if he does not get what he wants. I love the way he calls me. I love the nights I hold him close to me to sleep and when I wake up- the sight of Raihaan sleeping always makes me feel so happy.

The mornings are usually of the same routine. I will wake up and brush before Raihaan, but if he does wake up on time - then he demands that he get his toothbrush so that he can also suck the toothpaste off.

Then I will leave him on the bed with his dad, while I will prepare his milk for him. Then I will carry him to the living room, switch on the fan and will sit on the couch, get him comfortable in my lap and will be give him his milk.

Then once he’d done with the milk, he will roam around the kitchen and the room will we leave for work. Sometimes he will cry, but sometimes we will leave when he’s distracted.
Well either way - it hurts me when I leave him at home to go to work.

I have played with the idea of staying at home and looking after him, but the time is not right yet.

At the moment, I am on the lookout for a playgroup for Raihaan. I intend to send him to a playgroup and swimming lesson. He’s more than a year old now. He does not like to swim in the water- but I rather he learn something than stay at home and watch TV.

It’s so nice to watch him grow up and all. He has not yet learned to speak a sentence. He’s now singing and talking words at the same time. It’s so weird to feel such strong love. Sometimes when I think of the days he was inside me – my body tingles all over. I mean - there’s this kid who came from within me. When I caress his arms and his face - I remember the days I spent looking at his 16th week scan trying to figure out where the nose and mouth is.

I am already anticipating the days when he’s going to ask me way too many questions, the days he will irritate me with his stories, the days where he and I will argue over the use of his cell phone, the friends he will bring home, the girls he will date and the one he marries.

Definitely I will flip if he marries any one of TA’s relatives in India! But then of course, Allah knows the best.
All I ever hope and pray for is that TA and I to be alive and be there for Raihaan till he is old enough to have a family of his own. I hope its not too much to ask. I really cannot see Raihaan without a dad or a mom. And also I cannot think how life will be if baby Raihaan was not there. I think I don’t mind sacrificing my holidays and money to be with Raihaan.

I m not expecting Raihaan to be a filial son to us – that is way too much of an expectation. What I can do is hope that we will be with him and be his pillar of support.
Man….I really love this kid of mine.

Anyway I got to go.

Popular Posts