First day of work

First day of work today. Quite a day actually.
Both TA and I woke up at 6.30am in the morning ( a first for both of us!).
I had to drag myself out from the bed with a heavy and familiar headache. Rushed to the shower, while TA kept an eye on Raihaan....he was stirring. About to wake up for his breakfast.

Once i was out of the shower and dressed, TA had the forzen breastmilk warmed. By the time i fed Raihaan, TA managed to trim his goatie, shower and dress up. By the time we strapped Raihaan to TA and reached the bus stop, it was already 7.30am. We wanted to catch the 8am 533 bus to Shenton Way. We then took a cab, dropped at West Coast, rushed to my mum's aprtment, dropped the groggy son to my mum, said a hasty goodye and ran to the lift. We did catch the 533 bus to Shenton Way. We alighted a stop away from Anson House, walked all the way back to International Plaza, got our breakfast ( 3-in 1) from Mr Beans) and walked back to Marina House. It was such a hot weather, both of us were sweating all the way.

Work was ok. I discussed with Andrew on my views of the company's current stand on the increment. I also informed him about my concern on going home earlier from now onwards. Told him that i was on a breastfeeding schedule for my son and that i need to be back home to pick him up. Surprisingly Andrew was all ears. He promised to take my opinoins and views to the management. Andy came back to me later in the afternoon and informed me that the management will be coming up with a meeting with me to discuss my performance and a probable increment.

That aside, we have a new colleague. She took over Anisah. Her name is Sherry. Very petite and shes very much like Anisah. Went out lunch with her cos TA went for a office lunch. Scared the shit out of her by telling her about Softship. My bet - she will not last long. Infact she will leave before me!

Well coming back home was tough as well. I was kinda late and TA wasted 30 mins waiting for me at the lobby. By the time we walked to the bus stop, we missed the 97e bus home. Wasted another 15 mins waiting and by the time we got to mum's place to pick Raihaan up, it was already 7.40pm. Rush again to our house.

TA put Raihaan to bed, while I prepared dinner - just heated the food cooked the day before. By 8.30pm we were in the kitchen having dinner. At 9pm, started to express my breastmilk. Raihaan woke up just when i filled up one bottle. Had to halt the expressing cos TA wanted me to feed Raihaan. By the time i finished the feeding, cajoling with my son, i was an hour and a half behind schdule. After that, i expressed two more bottles of milk, washed the damn dishes in the sink, put Raihaan's clothes to wash, paid my bills online, settled outstanding accounts and now blogging. Its 1.33am in the morning now.

I am tired. I really am. It seems like i am doing so many things than i can really handle. I have this Chicken Essence tonic on the table with me....warm and ready to be drinked. This is the 1st time after such a long time that i am drinking the tonic without anyone forcing me to drink it!

First day of work itself was a tough job, i m not sure if both of us can really handle this pressure. If we had a car, maybe... i dunno. I have to juggle between maintaining my house, caring for my infant son, focusing on my work and be a good friend and wife to TA. TA is equally doing his part too....but i am not too confident if we can pull this through.

I am still waiting for the result of my application for my Masters. I m very sure I will not be enrolled for the class. Cos i just know that i will not get it. But TA is very confident that i will get the seat. Its a 2 year part time course.. Actually deep inside me. i will be very thrilled if i get into the class, but i feel that my hands are full. I don't think i can handle the extra burden of studies as well. I will be slightly sad if i don't get in.....but i need Raihaan to bond with me. I don't want to lose the time i could be spending watching Raihaan smile and coo in laughter by immersing myself in studies. But on the other hand, have seen millions of women doing it, i am not sure why i cannot. If i can deliver a baby without any epidural, i can do this too. ( I hope!)

Well if i was meant to study, i guess i will study. Lets see how things work out.

Anyway TA will be going away for another of his overseas trip soon. Where and when i don't know...infact he himself don't know. If that comes to be, i will have to stay at my mum's again.

Nothing much to write today. Need to get my dress to wear for work ready and dry Raihaan's clothes in the cloth rack, so by tommorow evening his clothes will be dry.

Oh by the way, today is Nur Mohammad's first birthday. Marlina gave birth to a wonderful baby boy this day last year. Did call her, but she was busy. She messaged that she will call me tommorow. Seems that she wants to talk to me about something. I am sure its about her mother in law. Have not seen her since Raihaan's naming ceremony.

Well got to go. I m getting the aches again. I have yet to print out Raihaan's pics. Both TA and me have not had the time to print it. All the pics are in TA's system. I need to get my time organised now. This cannot go on for long.

Somehow or rather, i feel the pain my mum went through to raise me. Its not easy being a mom....can say that a thousand times. Its today that i felt that birthdays should be celebrated for the mum actually. Today i did not wish Nur...i wished Marlina for her hardwork on going through labour. I guess we don't see why birthday's are celebrated...the focus shifts from the person who went through life altering grueling labour that leaves her body traumatised and a probable no reversal to the baby she brought into the world.

It usually takes a person a life altering experience to understand something important. I learnt why women go through all the emotional turmoils, the monthly periods, the burden of a growing fetus in her, the production of milk in her, the need to nurture and protect the offsprings. Only women...not the men. I used to envy men. They had it all easy.

It was on my 2nd week of my pregnancy that it hit me.....a man cannot take the emotional and innate pain a woman can handle. The threshold level of a woman is way up high than a man. Theres no way a man can work and go on in life after his privates are torn open and his body traumatised and subjected to pain over and over again. Only a woman has the extra ordinary strength to make it happen. It made my proud...proud to be a woman.


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